Rumsfeld Resigns, Accepts Competing Offer To Invade Iran

November 8, 2006 Bite! News staff WASHINGTON - President George Bush announced the resignation of Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld today, one week after asserting he would remain for the rest of the presidential term and coming one day after Democrats won control of the House and tied with the GOP for control of the Senate. The President said that this move was to "bring a fresh perspective to the war". However, according to sources, Rumsfeld accepted an offer from an unspecified country to begin preparations to invade Iran. "He was frustrated at the lack of political will to invade Iran," said the source, who requested anonymity. "Another country made him an offer: become our Minster of Defense, and you get to invade Iran." Speculation is rampant that unspecified country may, in fact, be Kenya. Rumsfeld, 74, will be replaced by ex-CIA chief Robert M. Gates. Gates, 63, is another long-standing member of the Bush family entourage.

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