Government Sells U.S.A. Naming Rights to Verizon
| Historic $5.2 billion deal sees republic formally becoming Verizon Wireless United States of America. January 29, 2007 Bite! News staff. WASHINGTON - The federal government has sold the country's naming rights to Verizon Wireless in a deal worth a reported $5.2 billion, sources revealed yesterday. The two-year pact will officially rename the country Verizon Wireless United States of America. "This is truly an historic event," said Verizon Wireless COO Lowell McAdam. "For the first time, a prominent corporation and an equally prominent country have joined forces to create a strong brand recognition." The two-year deal allows the communications corporation to not only secure naming rights to the United Sates of America, but will also see it temporarily rewrite the lyrics to the national anthem. The first verse of the Star Spangled banner will now contain the following altered lyrics: Oh, say can you hear me now?  VWUS President George Bush defended the deal. "Democrats now control Congress. Democrats want to increase taxes. This is a way to inject much-needed capital into federal coffers without resorting to tax-and-spend Democrat policies." Verizon Wireless stocks increased $1.98 a share to $50.08 with the announcement. |
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This is a work of fiction created for satirical purposes only. Any confusion with real or actual events is unintentional and probably means that you are very gullible.
